Last year being my 30th birthday, I started a BADLY needed journey. Although I don't want to remember exactly where I was at at the time, I feel that I have already come so far that it deserved remembering so hopefully I never get there again.
Some of you will know from back in my school days that I was not a "small" child according to girl standards. I'm not just talking about height either. High school came with 160 lb and size 12 jeans, which is big for that age-no matter what height you are. I wish I could say that size came with just being lazy, but no, that was with 3 sports a year. Running pancake ladders for volleyball, regular ladders and laps for basketball and some exercise for softball.
After high school came college and the typical freshman 20. There was the occasional trip to the gym as well as walking around campus. Okay, not terrible, but not great either.
Then, I met Casey! Not to say that he is to blame, because it is totally my fault. I just became content with doing nothing. Our time together was watching movies. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. If only they were the whole problem. Other issues arose, which I won't get into. Let's just say that my depression hit and shows in the form of food. I eat....and I eat....and I eat! Packing on approx 30+ more lbs and thus my problem. I am pretty good at hiding emotions from outside people, I just hide behind food.
Then you think you have fixed things and you start to try for a child! My doctor tells me I have PCOS. What is that you say? Polycystic Ovary Syndrome-which in a nutshell messes with your hormones and causes an increase in androgens which leads to: female irregularity, infertility due to no ovulation, excessive hair growth (darn, I can't blame that on my just my dad), acne, easy weight gain or obesity and several other things. He placed me on clomid and 9 months or so down the road, we found out a baby would be joining the family.
Life is good. Maizy arrives and I found the joys of a child. I start exercising a little by taking walks with Maizy. 9 months after that we have a crisis hit with Casey's health which in turns puts a lot of stress on me. What do I do? I eat...and I eat...and I eat! The health crisis starts to get better, but other things do not. They return to the same place, or worse, than before Maizy. You learn to deal with them for a while until you just can't any more. The bitterness, the hurt, the pain all sets in...and I eat...and eat...and eat!
As things get settled into a different part of my life, I start taking walks again with Maizy, but life remains stressful. Things start to improve and we make a startling life change and move to Idaho to hopefully get a fresh start. Some stress set in as I know this move means ending the job I love but hopefully means less stress in other areas of our lives . More stress comes as I find we are surprisingly expecting a second child and have to commute to Utah for my job in order to have benefits.
Although my habits of food did not change after this point, life did become a lot better. I think a move away really helped us. Although we love our families, sometimes they hinder situations whether they mean to or not. Being just the two of us made us talk and become closer as we had to rely on just us. Other things did not turn out as I would have liked, but some things you just have to learn to let go.
Lots of things happened over the next 9 months which included my grandma passing away, Zoey joining the family, quitting Primary's, getting a new job in Idaho, and starting our own business buying the route Casey had been driving. Talk about stressful! I never knew the details of running your own business, and if it came down to it again, I don't know that I would take that on. The only other thing that became stressful was the fact that it seemed we were driving to Utah for family things an awful lot. Not that it is bad to be with family, but it seemed like it was every other weekend and that becomes taxing on you.
Stay tuned!
After high school came college and the typical freshman 20. There was the occasional trip to the gym as well as walking around campus. Okay, not terrible, but not great either.
Then, I met Casey! Not to say that he is to blame, because it is totally my fault. I just became content with doing nothing. Our time together was watching movies. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. If only they were the whole problem. Other issues arose, which I won't get into. Let's just say that my depression hit and shows in the form of food. I eat....and I eat....and I eat! Packing on approx 30+ more lbs and thus my problem. I am pretty good at hiding emotions from outside people, I just hide behind food.
Then you think you have fixed things and you start to try for a child! My doctor tells me I have PCOS. What is that you say? Polycystic Ovary Syndrome-which in a nutshell messes with your hormones and causes an increase in androgens which leads to: female irregularity, infertility due to no ovulation, excessive hair growth (darn, I can't blame that on my just my dad), acne, easy weight gain or obesity and several other things. He placed me on clomid and 9 months or so down the road, we found out a baby would be joining the family.
Life is good. Maizy arrives and I found the joys of a child. I start exercising a little by taking walks with Maizy. 9 months after that we have a crisis hit with Casey's health which in turns puts a lot of stress on me. What do I do? I eat...and I eat...and I eat! The health crisis starts to get better, but other things do not. They return to the same place, or worse, than before Maizy. You learn to deal with them for a while until you just can't any more. The bitterness, the hurt, the pain all sets in...and I eat...and eat...and eat!
As things get settled into a different part of my life, I start taking walks again with Maizy, but life remains stressful. Things start to improve and we make a startling life change and move to Idaho to hopefully get a fresh start. Some stress set in as I know this move means ending the job I love but hopefully means less stress in other areas of our lives . More stress comes as I find we are surprisingly expecting a second child and have to commute to Utah for my job in order to have benefits.
Although my habits of food did not change after this point, life did become a lot better. I think a move away really helped us. Although we love our families, sometimes they hinder situations whether they mean to or not. Being just the two of us made us talk and become closer as we had to rely on just us. Other things did not turn out as I would have liked, but some things you just have to learn to let go.
Lots of things happened over the next 9 months which included my grandma passing away, Zoey joining the family, quitting Primary's, getting a new job in Idaho, and starting our own business buying the route Casey had been driving. Talk about stressful! I never knew the details of running your own business, and if it came down to it again, I don't know that I would take that on. The only other thing that became stressful was the fact that it seemed we were driving to Utah for family things an awful lot. Not that it is bad to be with family, but it seemed like it was every other weekend and that becomes taxing on you.
Stay tuned!
1 comment:
Wow. I remember all those life events, but never realized you were struggling so much. I'm sorry and I'm glad you're sharing...very theraputic...for me, too. Hang in there, and I'll stay tuned, for sure!
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